Things That Annoy Me

This is, at least to a degree, meant to be sarcastic. Feel free to add to the list in the comments. I love personal stories of our interactions with the idiots in society.

1) People who can’t use turn signals. I don’t know if it’s something you’re simply incapable of or if you refuse to use the damn thing just to be a rebellious little bastard, but it’s really irritating when you practically come to a stop in front of me and give me no warning or reason for it. There were many features on your vehicle that were optional when you bought it–your turn signal was NOT one of them.

2) Fidgety, noisy kids in movie theaters. Dammit, I paid ten bucks just to get in! I’m sure you don’t want to be bothered by having to sit them down and tell them to knock off the noise, but I actually want to hear the movie I’m here to see (which, by the way, those little rodents are way too young to be seeing). Keep ’em on a leash.

2b) Parents who don’t know how to tell their kids NO. How hard is this? If you’d started putting your foot down when they were toddlers, they wouldn’t be such jerks today at age 6! And if you grow a pair now instead of later, you might spare yourself having to pick them up from jail after they steal a car at age 15.

3) Teenagers who think they’re all that. I realize not all teenagers fit this category, but here’s a few things those who do need to know: a) trying to be dark and brooding for shock value does not have the desired effect; b) smoking isn’t cool; and c) you are NOT a badass.

4) Anti-war protesters. I didn’t give you permission to hold a cross for my loved one in your demonstration, and you sure as hell never asked. But I’m sure if I had told you not to, you’d have ignored me anyway, ’cause you’re sure I’m misguided and angry and I just need a hug. I’m wondering how you can breathe with your head so far up your ass.

5) People who don’t know how to be neighbors. Okay, folks…we live in a condo complex. When you slam the door you rattle everyone else’s windows. When you yell you wake everyone else up. Loud music at two in the morning does not make you cool; it makes you a jerk. It makes me want to pelt you with paintballs as you’re sitting on your porch with a smoke. A little consideration goes a looooong way.

6) People who don’t realize that they’re idiots when they’re drunk. You were the reason AA was created; take heed and use it. I AM A LESBIAN, therefore completely uninterested in straight men; if you grind your crotch on me you will get a first-class beatdown. Your first step to a new life starts with a night in the drunk tank at the local jail. Don’t drop the soap.

7) People who don’t know how to park. You know what? My truck ain’t that big. If you make me crawl in the other way, I’m going to leave a nice little dent on your sportster on purpose. Don’t like it? Learn to back up and straighten yourself out, jackass!

7b) People who somehow can’t avoid denting your vehicle even when you give them more than enough room for their doors. Don’t be a prick.

8) Those of you who think you’re cool when you blast your rap from your car stereo in residential neighborhoods. Newsflash: there are still enough people in this world who hate rap to lynch you, especially when you go crusing by at some ungodly hour and wake us all up. That’s more than just a mild annoyance. Knock it the hell off.

9) Karaoke. I hate to be the one to break this to ya, folks, but karaoke is for people who have no talent. I’m writing a few new rules. First, if you don’t know the song, don’t attempt it; I’ll never be able to enjoy it again with your warbling in my head. Second, just because everyone in your family says you can sing doesn’t make it true–haven’t you watched the American Idol auditions? Third, if you’re one of those who does encourage a friend to sing when they really, truly suck, you’re buying the next round of drinks, ’cause I’m gonna need to be plastered to deal with that crap.

10) People who don’t know how to shut up. Whether we’re at work or school, why do some people feel it necessary to spread things they’ve heard to everyone? Good God, even churchians do it–“I have a major prayer request! Did you know Stan’s kid is going to drug counseling?” Chrissakes, I feel like a paranoid lunatic going over all the crap on my desk to make sure nobody’s going to see something too personal when I walk away because I know that if I don’t, I’m gonna hear it from five different people by the end of the day. The real winners, though, are the ones who insert themselves into the drama by inventing stories to get attention with, thereby making the whole thing worse. Keep your nose in your own business or someday, someone’s gonna break it. And if you come to me and say, “hey, I just heard…”, I will have no trouble telling you to piss off.

What annoys YOU?


21 thoughts on “Things That Annoy Me

  1. What annoys me?

    1. People who fish through their pockets and purses looking for exact change at the checkout line. Pardon me, but I don’t have time to burn while you are trying to find 98 cents in any combination of coins you think you might have. Throw down another $1 and be done with it. Old people are notorious for doing this.

    2. People who don’t bother to learn English and expect the rest of us to accommodate that problem. This is America. English is the predominate language. This is especially true when it comes to retail commerce. If you can’t tell the difference between Brand X which is on sale and Brand Y the one you bought thinking it was on sale, then get your ass out of the store, go to the airport and go back to where you came from.

    3. People who show up 5 minutes before the movie starts and they ask me to move one seat or two seats over. No way! No way! No way! I get to the theater early so I can get a certain row and seat that are dead center and eye level. I don’t want to sit slightly off center or slightly off eye level. That is not why I got their early.

    4. People who go to the beach and leave all of their rubbish on the beach. The rule is if you take it in you bring it out. The beaches have plenty of trash cans and they get emptied every day. It is not the job of the Park Rangers to clean up after you.

    4b. Also regarding the beach, people who don’t pay their day use fee. The purpose of the fee is to have maintained lots to park in, toilets to use, barbecue pits and picnic tables. Those things cost money to buy and maintain. Just because the Park Ranger is not there does not make it free. Use the pay envolopes and drop your payment in the box.

    5. If you are in a smoking area and you do not smoke, then don’t ask the people who are smoking to refrain from smoking. Smoking areas exist for smokers. You are intruding by being there and making your ridiculous request. I don’t care if you have a lung condition. I don’t care if the only place to sit is the smoking area and your arthritis is killing you. That’s not my problem. If you need to sit down then go sit in your car.

    And Finally for all the younger gay men:

    6. Be nice. If some other gent takes an interest in you and he is polite, then be polite back. Don’t throw him attitude. Don’t humiliate or degrade him. Graciously decline his interest in you and move on. One of these days you’ll be over 40 like me, not young, and not as handsome as you once were. But, if you are nice and polite, you’ll have many wonderful friends to share your life with and perhaps someone special to love who loves you back. I was nice and polite in my younger days and it has paid off.

  2. One more:

    People who do not pay child support. I don’t care about your situation or how rotten your ex is. You have children. They need food, shelter, medical care, clothing and plenty of other things. Pay your child support on time and in full. Collect cans and sell your blood if you have to.

    When you don’t pay the rest of us have to pay. We did not get to enjoy the fun of making those babies. So we don’t get to incur the burden of raising them.

  3. “1) People who can’t use turn signals.”

    Does this happen where you live? Someone is making a right turn. Never mind if they signal.

    There is nothing to prevent them or impede them from making the turn. In spite of this they stop halfway through the turn. They’ve got the front end of their car in the crosswalk and the back end blocking traffic. They stop for two or three seconds and then they complete the turn.

    I do not know why people do this. When they do it to be they get a blast of my car horn.

  4. “2) Fidgety, noisy kids in movie theaters. Dammit, I paid ten bucks just to get in! ”

    I’ll add the same thing at Broadway shows that tour. Most Broadway shows are for adults only. They are not for little kids. The subject matter even when it is clear of sexual themes and profantity goes over the heads young children. Leave the kids at home. Use the $50 you spent to buy them a ticket to hire a babysitter.

  5. Anyone who is chronically ill, yet supports Obamacare–essentially stating that they want it, therefore everyone else has to pay for it. Oh yes, and they’re convinced that in socialism, the chronically ill on welfare would not be deemed expendable and allowed to die.

    Anyone (especially women) who complains that “only people in authority should carry weapons” and dismiss the proven fact that rapes can be prevented or stopped by armed citizens.
    Also, people who will complain endlessly about a church in TX that had a ‘gun day,’ citing their concerns that a gun could have gone off and hurt a child–and they only tell you later that the weapons were required to be holstered at all times. Apparently, the fact that holsters have a strap to prevent the safety from being off, the fact that getting a CCW requires taking a gun safety class, and the fact that the average gun-owning Texan is insanely responsible with their weapons, the person still considers the children to have been “in peril.”

    People who assume that because I’m Conservative and female, the entire focus of my life goals are being barefoot, pregnant, and in the kitchen.

    People who can’t spell “please” in-game and use “plzzzzzzzzzzzzz plz plz plz” instead.

    People who “refute” proven references against global warming by reputable sources as “political spin.”

    People who spend half their time on eBay buying useless crap, and then complain that they have little money for food and rent.

    People who are old enough to conduct themselves with some vague kind of respect for others, but they still act like 5 year olds.

    Any overly loud, obnoxious individual who thinks that a debate involves screaming at the other person from a nose-to-nose point and threatening violence. See, personally, I have a rule: if their face is less than 5 inches from my face, I will forcibly remove their face from the vicinity of my face.

    Anyone who uses the term “babykiller” to a member of the military in my presence (or otherwise).

    Anyone who hurts an animal, a child, or an elderly person in my presence (or otherwise).

    People who demand that books be censored because they do not personally have the intelligence to grasp why the books contain certain words.

    People who prove themselves incapable of using the English language correctly, and then cite their “above-average IQs” and “Harvard scholarships” as evidence of intelligence. More likely to run into that on the internet–and it’s also more likely to come from people under the age of 15.

    People who claim that they are authorities on any topic due to their education, yet they are actually in school to learn about interior design.

    People who use ad hominum attacks on decent politicians, then complain because people make fun of Obama’s gaffes.

    There’s more, but that would be an extremely long comment. I have a lot of things that aggravate me.

  6. People still railing because they just can’t get over BDS or PDS or JTPDS. Your derangement syndrome might have been justified during the campaigns, but it is over now and you should be deliriously happy with Obama Euphoria Syndrome. Why aren’t you? Lighten up and let me get on with my own ODS while you smile and giggle on your way while the country tanks.

  7. Oh, boy…Mary, I hear you on the spelling thing. That really roasts my ass. Does it really require that much effort to correctly spell a word when you’re online? In text messaging, I MIGHT be able to understand it, considering you only have 160 characters and not everyone has a Qwerty keypad on their cell phone, but online? Please. I cannot take a person seriously when their comments are entirely comprised of a string of grammatical, spelling and punctuation errors.

    Didn’t you nitwits learn anything in school?

  8. What about that fashion look where guys where blue jeans 20 sizes too big and they hang down like they just crapped their pants?

    I know gay men did not start that trend.

  9. Ooh! I’m in the DC area! Can I join in on annoying drivers? Drivers here take it far beyond annoying and head into chronic assholery.

    I really hate it when they zoom around everyone like they’re on a racetrack. On the other hand, I REALLY hate it when they drive 35 in a 50.

    I’m willing to put up with a lot of crap from other people’s kids – because you can’t always control where you have to be and how your kid will behave. But I do NOT put up with parents whose kids are being little brats while the parents are totally ignoring it or facilitating the behavior. And I have actually confronted people who bring their bad children to inappropriate movies. I have four of my own – I understand the logistics of finding childcare. And sometimes that means you don’t get to do the “cool” stuff because you have to be, you know, RESPONSIBLE.

    I’d like to add people who don’t wear deoderant to the list of annoying things. That’s gross. No one appreciates it, particularly not me. And it’s completely unnecessary.

  10. John, that’s another thing that irritates the hell out of me. Really? Seriously? Those guys who walk around trying to be thugs? Are you kidding me? Am I supposed to take them seriously when they threaten to “beat yo’ ass” and they can’t even walk properly because they can’t keep their pants up? Christ, it makes me want to take a flying leap and yank their pants down the rest of the way!

    AFW, I might almost be able to live with no deodorant if those folks would at least learn to comb their hair. And have you seen the guys who have the “I’m not speeding, I’m qualifying” bumper stickers? Morons! I’m not sure what’s worse, speeding like your hair is on fire or getting on the freeway doing no more than 45 when the speed limit is 65 and everyone is doing at least 75. If that’s the way you want to live, move your lazy butt out to Sun City. You can drive a golf cart on public roads there.

  11. Mel, the thing I like best about Krav (my husband has been trained in it ) is how completely NON-flashy it is. So if someone is acting out and Krav has to be used on them, no one usually knows what’s going on until the deed is over and someone is laid out flat and stunned.

    The PERFECT antidote to idiots with big talk and even bigger pants.

  12. “Anti-war protesters”

    Why does this not surprise me? I’m assuming you have no problem with all the pro war freaks out there that clamor for bombing those “ragheads” back to the stone age, yet never served a day in their lives, and would have a cow if you suggested sending their kids. I actually heard some conservative moron tell Sam Seder that the reason he didn’t enlist to go to Iraq was because “That’s a war for poor people to fight. Let them go fight and die.” I kid you not.

  13. Okay, things that annoy me.

    *People who end sentences with prepositions, such as “where are you guys at?” Oh my God, I fucking hate that.

    *Myself, at times, for constantly correcting people’s grammar. I’m sorry, but “I don’t got no money” is just too much for me to ignore, even if you are my mother.

    *People who lecture me in public about cursing, yet can’t manage to control their stupid kids who are running around the record store screaming and knocking shit off the shelves.

    *Idiots who ask me if I like Papa Roach when I tell them I listen to punk rock. That absolute shit is NOT punk rock.

    *The double standard that exists that makes it acceptable and even admirable for a man to be promiscuous, but makes a woman a skank, whore, slut, etc. for being this way.

    *People who think that being in close proximity to a homosexual will somehow rub off on their kids.

    *People who think they’re experts on Islam, and will tell you, with a straight face, that it is indeed a violent, bloodthirsty religion.

    *Morons who call climate change a myth because of some childish notion of remaining ignorant and point to their 500 scientists who have their doubts and completely ignore the 25,000 other scientists who say this is absolutely real. Then they turn around and say idiotic things like “God wouldn’t let that happen”, or some variation of that argument, not realizing that we are to be stewards of this world, and that God only gave us one, so we should probably take care of it.

    *People who use the word socialism because they heard some nitwit like Sean Hannity use it and think it makes for a good insult. Meanwhile, 90% of people can’t even tell you the definition of the word, they just know that they hate poor people and any efforts to ease their suffering is socialism and must be stopped.

    *People who try to force their religious beliefs on the rest of society by repeating demonstrably false nonsense like “this is a Christian nation”.

    *People who genuinely think that FOX News resembles anything close to “fair and balanced”

    *Republicans who drove this economy into a ditch and are now complaining about the cost of the tow truck.

    *Republicans in general

    *People who didn’t give two shits about the constitution when their guy was in office, but go Ape shit over a perceived threat to the second amendment which they consistently take out of context in the first place.

    *So called “conservatives”, who are primarily anti-government, except where they believe the government can be useful to impose moral or social order (for example, with respect to matters like abortion, prayer in schools, or prohibiting sexually explicit information from public view).

    *The mere fact that conservatives consistently run on an anti-government platform, yet fail to see the irony in which they’re campaigning and spending millions of dollars to become a part of the very institution that they demonize.

    *People who think that corporations are people under the constitution

    *Conservatives that refuse to admit that Ronald Reagan raised taxes.

    *Conservatives that constantly remind us how immoral the leftists are, and how Christian the right is, yet always seem to get caught banging their campaign workers wives, or cruising for random gay restroom sex, or ripping off Native American gaming operations.

    *People who will tell me, to my face, that liberals are pushing a “homosexual agenda” on the rest of society. Like we actively try to convince people to become gay out of the blue. Idiots.

    *Michael Savage, Glenn Beck, Laura Ingraham, Sean Hannity, Ann Coulter, Bill O’Reilly, Rush Limbaugh, et. al.

    *People who think that liberalism will destroy the country, completely ignoring the fact conservatism is responsible for a wrecked economy, a profound loss of civil liberties, and the most wanton law breaking ever seen in this country’s history.

    *People who think a free market exists.

    *People who think that health care is not a right, but tax cuts for the wealthy are.

    *That idiot Glenn Beck, for trying to portray Thomas Paine as a conservative.

    *Michelle Malkin, for saying that FDR’s horrific policy of interring Japanese people during WWII was the right thing to do. (has anyone ever explained to her that’s Asian?)

  14. “*Michelle Malkin, for saying that FDR’s horrific policy of interring Japanese people during WWII was the right thing to do. (has anyone ever explained to her that’s Asian?)”

    He also interred Germans and Italians. It wasn’t a racist thing, it was done out of necessity because in that day and age, they had to be suspicious of anyone who might be linked with the enemy.

  15. “*Idiots who ask me if I like Papa Roach when I tell them I listen to punk rock. That absolute shit is NOT punk rock.”

    Papa Roach is for definetily not punk. They are a good band.

    How about X? I’ve always loved X. In their early days they had a very punk sound. Their later work is more mainstream.

  16. “*Michelle Malkin, for saying that FDR’s horrific policy of interring Japanese people during WWII was the right thing to do. (has anyone ever explained to her that’s Asian?)”

    I believe FDR was caught between a rock and a hard place. It was early 1942. Anti-Asian sentiment wasn’t hard to stir up. Lynching of black folk in the south were common enough. I saw the move FDR made as one of protection of Americans of Japanese ancestry over all else. How it was implemented was disgusting, horrible and very un-American. Conceptually it was not the worst idea of his administration.

  17. “I’d call Papa Roach nu metal. Definitely not punk.”

    I agree. This really dates me but I am 44. This is punk to me:

    Black Flag
    The Circle Jerks
    Catholic Discipline
    Husker Du
    X (early work before Ain’t Love Grand)
    The Sex Pistols

    I watched on Youtube a clip of the group X performing their song Beyond and Back. It was a concert clip and people moshing and the whole nine yards. Then it it me right between the eyes: Everyone in that clip is at least 40 years old now!!!!! Even the punks in the mosh pit are over 40!!!!

  18. Oh haha…The thing that annoys me is those damn Vegans that preach to you that your diet isn’t healthy, and what’s really annoying is when Vegans and Vegetarians tell you that coffee isn’t natural. Excuse me…not natural? For crying out loud it’s on this planet called Earth for like millions of years and our ancient ancestors have consumed caffiene to keep themselves awake from Tea Plants and Coffee beans.

    What else? I hate snitches at the workplace…people that go around and tell on you, even if you didn’t do anything wrong to them at all, they get jealous and start to tell lies about you, or something you did that offended them in the past.

    I’ll give you an example from my experience with this crap…I got told on wearing my Iron Maiden shirt, Ozzy Shirt, Also itching my balls for 1-2 seconds and it was pretty quick, and I wasn’t advertising in front of everyone, but guess what? I get told on for Masturbation.

    There is more, but I said enough.

  19. Randy, I deal with morons like that on a daily basis. You can’t have a conversation in the building because even the walls have ears. I was having a private–repeat, PRIVATE–conversation with a coworker out in the parking garage one day about politics and someone walked by and heard what we said. The very next day, I got a stern talking-to and nearly a writeup for offending someone with my anti-Obama beliefs.

    I say NEARLY got written up because they’d already written up the papers–I looked the big cahoona in the eye and said, “you know what offends me? That person complained about my politics as if I’m not allowed to have my own beliefs and discuss them outside. I am very offended. The only reason they would have done this is because I disagreed with the President, not because I said anything foul.”

    That ended the entire conversation.

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