“Plug the Damn Hole!”

President Obama, proving yet again that he’s just a normal guy, became agitated during a meeting and snapped, “just plug the damn hole!”

We would all hope he’s talking about Bozo the Veep Joe Biden (who recently delivered a speech in Brussels and declared it the “capital of the free world,” saying that Washington, D.C. was undeserving of the title). After all, every time that guy opens his mouth he kicks his foot straight into it with accuracy unmatched by Audie Murphy. Alas, he wasn’t experiencing a lapse into momentary sanity; he was talking to representatives of oil giant British Petroleum about the oil that continues to gush into the Gulf of Mexico and has begun to creep into the Louisiana wetlands.

I remember in 2005, when Hurricane Katrina first began to pose a threat to New Orleans. For years, forecasters had warned that a strong enough storm would destroy the city, which sits below sea level. City government did nothing about it. Right up to the days leading up to Katrina’s landfall, mayor Ray Nagin refused to even call for a mandatory evacuation until a mere twelve hours before landfall – by which time it was far too late for those with no means of transportation to find a way out of the city. Despite dire warnings of catastrophic flooding, many stayed and scores died for their decision during and after the storm. In the wake of the storm, cities that had been similarly devastated – such as Biloxi, Long Beach and others that had issued the mandatory evacuation orders well in advance of the storm and in plenty of time to save lives – got the help they needed from FEMA and immediately began to rebuild their cities and lives. Something went wrong in New Orleans. Everyone remembers Geraldo Rivera standing on a loading deck at the Superdome, demanding to know why federal help hadn’t arrived.

To this day, everyone blames George W. Bush for failing to act. Nobody remembers that Ray Nagin didn’t have the nerve to tell people to get the hell out. Nobody remembers that the city didn’t have much of a contingency plan. Nobody remembers the cities that didn’t have that issue despite being practically blown off the map. Americans tend to have the attention span of a gnat. If it doesn’t catch their attention with cool music and flashing lights right now, they forget about it.

It was an emotional issue, but one that is still being horribly misjudged. FEMA and federal law require specific requests to specific areas before they can send help. On a smaller scale, look at your local fire department. If you call 911 to report that your neighbor’s house is on fire, the dispatcher takes the information and dispatches the closest available units. Those units not dispatched don’t go; it’s called “jumping the call.” It’s considered disrespect to command and it tends to screw up the general order in effect. The same goes for FEMA. They don’t simply come in and take over because they think it needs to be done. They cannot do what they are not specifically requested to do. For all they know, there’s a plan and their intervention could dramatically screw things up.

Despite these facts, many still blame Bush for the mass deaths in New Orleans in 2005. Now that the Deepwater Horizon has exploded and sunk, leaving a shattered pipeline so far down on the ocean floor that manned watercraft cannot safely reach it because of pressure levels, Louisiana governor Bobby Jindal has put out very specific calls for specific actions from the government and the Army Corps of Engineers. This crisis has dragged on for a month now, and Jindal has gotten absolutely no help from Obama’s government. Jindal is being forced to take action on his own, lowering tons of boom (sand) into the state’s wetlands to protect them from the oil already creeping in.

Obama is proving quite adept at issuing demands for everyone else to fix the issues facing our country. He doesn’t want to enforce immigration laws, but he’s demanding that Arizona knock it off. He wants jobs created, but he doesn’t know how to do it, so he simply demands that hundreds of billions of dollars be thrown at it, and Democrats in the House and Senate are more than willing to oblige. He wants the military’s “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” policy to be repealed but he doesn’t know how to properly do that, either, so he’s demanding that someone else helm the project. Obama doesn’t know how to respond to a call for assistance from a governor, but he sure as hell knows how to tell the company trying to fix the issue to hurry up and fix it while he makes damn sure to rub elbows with celebrities.

The man doesn’t understand the traditions of the office he holds. He was the first president to ever skip the Medal of Honor Recipients’ Ball on the night of his inauguration since the party’s inception in 1953. Instead he felt it necessary to hit all the inaugural balls that included major celebrities. He’s been snapped on multiple occasions standing with his hands in an embarrassing fig-leaf position during the playing of the National Anthem while everyone else properly places their hands over their hearts (or stands at attention, if in the military). He’s been caught on film bowing to both the Saudi king and the Japanese emperor. It took him badly mispronouncing “corpsman” TWICE before he got it right, and neither time did the media ever pick up on it (except FOX). He abandoned the traditional White House Christmas ornaments for those decorated with Chairman Mao and one of RuPaul’s “Drag Race” contestants. He will be the first President in a very long string of them to forego the Memorial Day tradition of laying a wreath at the Tomb of the Unknown Soldier next week for a trip to Chicago, but he’ll be damn sure to be back in time to hobnob with Sir Paul McCartney. Next we’ll be hearing that he’s auctioning off slumber parties in the Lincoln Bedroom of the White House. Oh, wait…

Mr. President, you want them to “plug the damn hole.” I have a demand now, before you open your mouth one more time about Arizona’s law enforcement:



9 thoughts on ““Plug the Damn Hole!”

  1. What hurts BP hurts every oil company. You know all of the other oil companies are offering their help, ideas and expertise to end this problem.

    So the Feds say they are going to take over and push BP aside. O.K. What great ideas do the Feds have? What do their experts advise? How will these solutions be implemented?

  2. That’s exactly it, John – the government doesn’t have a clue what to do. Things like this have never happened before. Now, we’ve got Democrats trying to pin this on the Bush administration, saying that an investigation (which only focused on the time between 2000 – 2008) into improper relationships between Mineral Management, a government entity, and oil company officials brought up multiple instances in which it almost appears government officials were being bribed by oil company officials.

    The problem is I can’t find the actual report yet and the facts are a little convoluted. We don’t know all of them, but they’re willing to blame Bush already.

  3. “That’s exactly it, John – the government doesn’t have a clue what to do. ”

    I agree. If the government knew what to do then the government would share that knowledge. Maybe we could shove Obama down the well and let his inflated ego plug the leak.

  4. So, now BP wants to do what it wanted to do from the beginning. Saw off the defective area and plug the leak. Is htis high risk? Sure. According to ABC News, the Obama administration resisted this idea because of the consequences of failure: a 100 percent unadulterated blowout of the well.

    So, this sure looks like the Feds ordered BP to try this and that knowing things like Top Kill and the Dome cover move would not work or had a very low probability of working. So if this new technique does work, won’t Obama come off looking real bad?

    All of this begs the question about who is really in charge or this disaster. If BP is in charge then BP should be able to intiate corrective action based on sensible risk and reward. After all they drill for oil. The Feds do not.

  5. “But remember, the government is in control!”

    That’s right! I need to be guided. I don’t believe right or think right and I need to have that corrected.

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